(This post was actually written on Monday, May 7^th. Apologies for the delay in posting.)

My room glows with a warm, flickering candlelight as the aroma of lavender and vanilla mingle as one. Silence rests like a blanket. No fan, no thrumming sound from the light bulb outside my door, not even the whir of my computer. All is quiet this Monday evening as, once again, our electricity has extinguished itself in defiance of our modernity. The lower area of base where the families and married couples live still claim full functionality, while the rest of us singles and the Palmers are out cold in the darkness.  I don’t mind, really. The candlelight is a nice reprieve from the glare of Edison’s brilliance.

Our second term of school nears the halfway mark as we surge toward mid-May. Feels as if I only just returned from Botswana and Zimbabwe, but clearly not. Nicole tells me that about 30 days are all that remain of actual class days. Looking at everything that’s still to be accomplished before then, I’m desperately hoping those days regenerate. I could use the extra time.

The base family has grown in the last month, having adopted another American, an Englishman, and a former School of Tomorrow student. The latter you have all read about prior to this post. Remember the student I had been working with one-on-one in term 3 of last year only to have her leave for a neighbouring school? I only saw her a few times after that, but I had prayed that would not be the end. Well, apparently God’s plan for me in her life isn’t finished. She is now my next-door neighbour here on the base. She works in the Diamond Learning Center, and we see each other constantly. She’s even looking at going to LU in a year’s time. I love knowing that I serve a God who thrives on doing the unexpected in astounding ways. This turn in events could only come about through Him.

Progress on Mr. Palmer’s book continues at a steady pace. We’ve been constantly lifting the book in prayer during our weekly prayer time on Sunday evenings, and I know those prayers, in addition to the ones all of you out there are praying, have made all the difference. At the beginning, it seemed like a long, lonely struggle just to get through. Now I realize that I was never alone. God wants this book released to the world, and through our prayers, that goal is being accomplished. I’ve become excited over the writing of this book. I want to see where I will end up in each writing session, so I dive in with an eagerness born of a Godly mission.

Knowing that I am doing what God called me to do is an amazing euphoria. Yes, I get incredibly frustrated when the right words won’t spill upon the page, resulting in a day spent staring at a blank computer screen with that annoying black cursor that taunts you with its constant winking as it waits for you to start typing. But how would I know to appreciate the good days when I haven’t experienced the bad? We have to go through the tough, monotonous times to fully understand and revel in the easy, adventurous days that lie in wait.

I remember working full time for six months prior to my departure for South Africa in January 2011. Sitting at that desk typing all day, I would think of the adventure that was coming and wish the time would fly by so I could finally get there. Rushing, however, would have accomplished little. I needed those months of solid working to get my head straight. I learned so much through people and experiences in those months and years that I look back with a fond smile. I wouldn’t change those days for anything. My life here in South Africa is much the same. Though I do not know for certain where I will be next year, I still dream and plot all sorts of adventures. The danger is focusing on those dreams rather than the immediate time. We cannot lose ourselves in the future when the present holds all the lessons and knowledge we need for that future. If we miss them, then how can we be ready for what comes next?

God’s really been challenging me on this in the last few weeks. I’ve been so caught up in other dreams and distractions that I lost focus on the life before my eyes. Only recently when a friend kindly mentioned how withdrawn and anti-social I had been for the last month or so did I realize what I was doing. By losing focus, I gave myself the excuse to close my door and leave the present to fend for itself. I had become a person I did not want to be, and it had to be remedied. Immediately.

Since then, I have forgone the daydreams and purposefully placed myself in situations where recently developed habits could not resurface. I’m reaching out to people I had unintentionally neglected, serving others I had overlooked, and trying to be the smile that brightens someone’s day. And you know what I’ve noticed? I’m far happier with daily life than I’ve ever been. I enjoy each day because I actively look for the joy in every moment.

Life is not easy. It takes effort, especially for a city girl in an African township. I often laugh at the very idea that I am even here, and yet here I am, living out my life where God planted me. Mr. Palmer often tells us that no matter the circumstances that surround you, if you are in the place God called you to be, then you will be happy. There is no greater happiness than knowing you are fulfilling a purpose God designed specifically for you centuries ago. No one else can fill my role here in Shayandima. No one. And that is an incredible thought.

Long before you drew your first breath
A dream was coming true
God wanted to give a gift to the worldSo He wrapped it up in you
And every step that you’ve taken
Every move that you make
Is part of His plan.

 You were meant to be touching the lives that you’ve touched
And meant to be here making this world so much more
Than it would be without you in it.
You were meant to be bringing the gifts that you bring
And singing the songs you’ve been given to sing
You are perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully meant to be.
You were meant to be

 Long before you took your first fall
And stumbled to the ground
God started telling the story of you
To the angels gathered around
Every failure and victory
And every thing in between
Is all in his hands 

For every breath you are taking
And every move that you make
It’s a meaningful life you’ve been given
So live it well

 … “Meant to Be,” Steven Curtis Chapman …

 (So, just now I walked outside to get to the bathroom to brush my teeth when I heard something moving in the grass ahead of me. With the power out and a small torch in hand, I had very little in terms of illumination when this heart-stopping noise reached my ears. I froze on the grass and quickly swept my light across the ground. The noise increased as the medium-sized creature shot away to my right heading passed the girl’s bathroom and laundry room. My heart must have missed three beats in that moment. Still, I think the creature scared me as much as I scared it.

I call us even, mongoose. Game well played.)

At this current moment, my mind takes me back to a TV show that used to play on Nickelodeon once upon a time. I never watched the show nor found it interesting, but its title is rather fitting at this moment: Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Power outages do not often occur in the US. However, in Shayandima, South Africa, they are not only normal but also frequent. Take tonight, for instance. It is about 8PM and the power abruptly cut out thirty minutes ago. My cleaning team and I work on Wednesdays, so we were in the midst of cleaning dishes and storing them away in their proper places when our world went utterly black. Nothing like scrubbing a pan or fumbling for the right drawer while wearing nature’s blindfold. Forced to use phone lights to orient ourselves, we eventually located the candles and holders in a corner cupboard

At times like these, I realize how fortunate I am to live in a place that has electricity. Outside the walls of this base, families live in homes that do not have any form of electricity. While reading or writing (or typing, as the case may be) by candlelight is a tad romantic, I doubt it would seem as such for a person who burns candles every evening and into the night. My lack of appreciation for the seemingly small things in life comes to the forefront during these evenings of complete night.

Guess this will be a short blog. Julie just pounded on my bedroom window, initiating a conversation through the brick wall. I have been invited to the lounge. It would seem the base has instigated an impromptu family gathering. Funny how times like this bring people together. Better run before I’m hailed a hermit.

All this time / From the first tear cried / ‘Til today’s sunrise / And every single moment between / You were there / You were always there / It was you and I /
You’ve been walking with me all  this time
… “All This Time,” Britt Nicole …

Today I am bouncing with excitement and productivity. A direct contrast to yesterday.

Yesterday was hard. Difficult. Trying. Exhausting. Like pulling teeth with rusted pliers. Writing a book is far from easy. Still, I was and am determined to use these next few days off from school to get some serious work done on Mr. Palmer’s book.

By three or four yesterday afternoon, however, I called it a day and lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. I was beyond frustrated. I had tried to maintain the positive attitude despite the steady trial of trying to write something and failing. All day I sat at my desk in a blind stupor while in my mind, a battle raged. I threw punches all day long at my inner muse in a mad attempt to wake it up, but to no avail.

Yesterday was the battle most writers face at random intervals throughout a writing project. It’s the phase when we want to throw Ming vases at the wall and tear monetary notes into confetti all for the sake of releasing Art from its prison in our minds.  We long for brilliant prose and poetry to flow to our fingertips, but alas! Creativity remains locked in our heads battering at the ramparts. We, the writers, cannot think beyond the next question mark, a punctuation symbol that marks the unspoken question of our existence. Can we do this?

With God, the answer is always a resounding YES!

Last night I prayed that God would renew my sense of purpose. I know I am meant to write this book, but doubt and fear plague me relentlessly. I needed Godly intervention.

When I awoke this morning, a smile was on my face and butterflies in my chest. I was excited to start writing. For the first time in what seems like years, I was over the moon excited to spend the day writing. I could not wait to get started.

A few hours later, the child-like excitement has faded, but the steady purpose and joy at knowing I am doing what I have been called to do remains strong within me. I do not hesitate to sit at my desk in fear of failing. I now sit at my desk knowing I have a job to do. I am ready for this. The trials of yesterday taught me that I can face those fears and doubts head-on and still wake up the next morning a better, stronger writer because of it. God has given me a talent, and I need to build upon it. I do not want to stand before Him one day only to report that I kept the talent safe and secure, tucked away from a world that might have damaged it. Rather, when I stand before God, I want to wear a smile and report that His talent multiplied into a blessed ministry that served Him on earth. I am nothing but a vessel that carries a God-given talent.

Knowing this talent does not come from my own abilities releases me from all fear, as it should release each individual. Every person has a talent, an ability that God gave him or her to use for His purpose. The problem is that many of us allow fear to stop us in our tracks. We limit the influence of the talent because of doubts and fears that Satan weaves around us like a web. God cannot be limited. Once we realize this, Satan’s web unravels, because if God cannot be limited, then neither can the talent He gave us before we were conceived in our mother’s womb.

We must learn to embrace our God-given talents and run with them. We cannot let Satan shackle our feet. If our God is for us, who can stand against us? After years of writing, I am only just discovering the true beauty and freedom of this truth.

What is fear and doubt in the face of the Almighty?

Nothing but smoke blown away on the wind.